Storms in the family are like wilds that blow off the roof of a building. If issues are consistent in the family, such a family is experiencing storms whose roofs may likely blow off. Many factors can be responsible for the family storms. We can discuss some of the factors responsible for family storms.
Inability to leave
Leaving is “going away from a person or a place.” Go, Almighty asked Abraham to leave his father’s house according to Gen.12:1-2.
God knew the reason why He asked Abraham to leave his father’s house maybe if he had not left, there would never be the fulfilment of these promises. Fulfilment lies in his exit from his place of birth.
Likewise, God had a reason for saying that a man should leave. There are a lot of lessons to be drawn from this.
- Marriage could crash if the man continues staying with his parents
- Strong interference from parents be reduced
- Third-party issues will be reduced
- There will be total freedom to operate as husband and wife
- Marriage is not for babies
We have had several instances whereby the mother and her son still slept on the same bed even after the marriage. This happens because the young man is an over-possessive child tied to the apron string of her mother. He consulted and got instructions from his mother on any issues. This resulted in a serious crisis that led to the dissolution of the marriage and the mother did not even see anything bad in what she was doing according to her no woman could come and snatch her son from her. If there is no proper leaving, there can never be proper cleaving.
Inability to cleave
Cleave means to move quickly through something or to stick close to something. The reason why marriages nowadays fail is that people find it difficult to cleave. They are neither here nor there. This will cause a lot of distractions thereby making it difficult to function as one indivisible entity.
The command of God for man is to “leave” the parents and cleave to his wife. The issue of leaving has contributed a lot to marital problems, in that many husbands find it difficult to leave their parents. They are tied to the apron string of their parents especially mothers. Many so-called husbands of today are emotionally and spiritually immature. The principle of leaving and cleaving is not followed may destroy a home as a result of undue interference ma
Interference of third party
The majority of homes are enmeshed in crises today due to the 5:2unwarranted influence of third parties. The third party is referred to here may be the mother-in-law, father-in-law, uncles and the like.
I have heard some ladies saying that it is their wish not to have victims of third parties shared with them. For example, could you imagine mothers telling their daughter-in-law not to make mistakes to think that they can take away their sons from them unnecessary rivalry, bitterness, competition and struggle beg into rear its head? Some mothers maintain their dominion over their “Son’s Home” Who Married Who?
Financial instability
Strong financial strength is very important in marriage. The majority of the marital storms stem from a lack of financial strength. The Bible also stresses the fact that the need to have money. Read Eccl. 10:19. Money is good but love of it is evil according to I Tim. 6:10.Money in marriage therefore is a strong defence (Eccl. 7:12.) It shields the family from contempt, embarrassment, ridicule and shame.
In a situation when the husband is jobless or he loses his job therefore finding it difficult to meet family needs, crises that may rock the boat of the family will start. Related to this are extravagance and worldliness (Eph.5:22-31). There could be a financial crisis if either of the spouses is extravagant in spending and worldly in appearance. This can destroy the financial power of a home
The irresponsibility of both sides
Many are married but not ready to carry any responsibility to be played by the man and the woman. The crisis could come as a result of non-performance of roles or dereliction of responsibility. Where expected roles are not played, the threatened. Eli lost the glory of God because of irresponsibility, carelessness, lukewarmness, and lackadaisical traits of character.
Sex Issues in Marriage
Read I Cor. 7:2-5. Sex is a marital act by which couples demonstrate their awareness and love for each other, a lot enter into marriage with little awareness of the fact that sex is an important tool. A lot of homes collapse due to problems arising from unsatisfactory sexual relationships. Many believe sex is just to produce children. It goes beyond that, in a home where couples do not enjoy each other sexually there would be a crisis. Tension is a relationship.
Covetousness
Some wives are covetous when you begin to demand from your husband what he cannot afford. Covetousness is evil and has the power to destroy any marriage. Psalm 119:36, Prov. 28: 16, Ex. 33; 3. Related to this is selfishness, which is thinking about “oneself” This could become a storm that can rock the boat in a home where it is only “I feel but not” we feel”.
Barrenness (Fruitlessness)
The general expectation of people concerning a marriage is childbearing. In our own culture, a marriage that is not fruitful is not considered to be successful. The continuity of marriage therefore could be threatened if there was no issue.
The storm (Issue) has torn many marriages apart which is why love existing between the husband and the wife should be strong enough to withstand the pressure of in-laws during the period when couples are trusting the Lord for the fruits of the womb. Feeble love can collapse during such pressure.
In the Bible, the issue of barrenness would have torn Jacob and Rachael apart if not for love and divine intervention. There was a time when Rachael was telling her husband “Give me a child or I will die” This is a statement coming from a frustrated heart or life.
Lack of Communication
Communication is the process of sending a message or sharing or exchanging news, information, knowledge, ideas, feelings, etc. Read Prov.18:21. Communication becomes a stormy issue in marriage if it is absent. The majority of issues are discussed and finalized without stress during good communication. I have heard a story of a couple whose home broke because they resolved not to communicate on trivial issues which can be handled through effective communication. An Axiom in Yoruba says “Ai le soro ko nije ki ote tan” meaning that if we do not talk, conspiracy cannot end.
Cultural Differences
Culture is the total of beliefs, norms, values, and behaviours of a particular set of people living in a particular society. Culture is a way of life. People behave differently and perceive differently due to the culture they are exposed to. Each culture is very unique in that no culture is superior to the other.
The areas of greetings. languages, dressing, etc. are not the same. This is what is known as cultural differences. For instance, in the area of greetings, the Yoruba ethnic group believes so much.
In respect, whenever a boy wants to greet his father he prostrates while a girl kneels. It is not a usual practice in some cultures. For example in Igbo land, they value greetings hut similar to Yoruba ways of doing things. I had the privilege to lead the marriage team to a town in Igboland, being a Yoruba man trained in the Yoruba way. I always prostrate each time I wanted to talk to our in-laws to the extent that one of them remarks
Cultural exposure of the couples could become a problem in marriage if not well handled. This is why it is opined that an Igbo lady who wants to marry a Hausa man should endeavour to learn Hausa’s way of life if not there will be a marital problem.
There was an instance of a Yoruba man who got married to an Igbo lady. Their marital problem started the day the lady was introduced to her mother-in-law as the would-be wife. The family pretended as if they loved the lady, but behind her back, they were threatening the young man to discontinue her, but he remained adamant reluctantly. The family allowed the wedding to hold but the marriage did not last for two years, they were separated. They looked for a wife from their cultural background.
Evil Association
The scripture says evil communication corrupts good manners. Many marriages nowadays, because of wrong associations collapse. A good lady who interacts frequently with a divorcee will never learn good things about marriage from her, because you cannot give what you don’t have. The quality or otherwise of advice offered solely depends on the kind of experience a person has. Evil association therefore can change the good character of a husband or wife.
Different Spending Habits
This also could cause a conflict or storm that may engulf any marriage in that some are frugal in spending while some are generous or extravagant. This comes as a result of differences If the taste is high and the income is low, there would be a problem or if a wife is extravagant in spending and the husband the wife may engage in extramarital affairs to cope with the high taste of living
Inordinate Ambition
Having an ambition is very good. It is very important for an ambition to become inordinate, it becomes dangerous. In a situation where a man is nursing and is a problem vice versa, and also a woman cannot handle inordinate ambition.
Unemployment
Loss of a job could lead to problems if not properly handled. In the event of the loss of a job, the understanding of the couple must be very strong if not it could weaken the cord that holds the marriage together. I have heard about an unemployed young man who got married to a banker. The lady did not make a move to help her husband get another job despite her position as a top banker. The husband then became a driver, taking the wife to her place of work and the children to school.
The husband’s family does not take it lightly because of murmuring, and side talk coming from the wife’s side, the wife’s family believes that the responsibility is too much on their daughter though the lady is not complaining. It got to a time when his best friend was contacted by the husband’s family to talk to his friend about getting a job even if he is earning 30,000 a month. Job confidence will be there. In the end, the marriage broke up the “Cold War” degenerated into a physical and open confrontation
