As discussed the topic of Pastors and their wives are the books people read, pasturing work provides leadership, and leadership provides a life of example to others. In the call of a pastor, there is no way we can separate the Pastor from his family. As it is expected of the Pastor to live an exemplary life, which Apostle Paul called “blameless” in Titus 1:6, his /her family is expected to follow the line. In this article, we shall look at the expectations from the pastor’s family and the stains needed to remove from the pastor’s garments.
Expectations from the Pastor’s Family
In view of the blameless life a Pastor’s family is expected to exhibit, below are the expected virtues from a Pastor’s family where they will show forth as lamp and salt (Matt. 5:13-16). In showing these virtues. I have decided not to take anything for granted, part of which is that the Pastor and his / her spouse must have married right.
There are features of a Home for Christ and if any of these features (virtues) is missing, the Pastor’s family may not be worthy of emulation. The family must therefore be:
A saved family. (Born again couple): The pastor and his wife must experience salvation. Even they must make sure that their children are saved. I Peter 3: 1-7 emphases v. 7 and 2 Cor.6: 14-18 must be put to mind.
A family that lives for Christ as a household: (Dt. 6:4-9; Acts 10:24; Acts 21:7-9. Evangelist Phillip’s family whose four daughters were prophesying). It is equally expected that evidence of being born again in manners, characters and exhibition of all of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:21-22) must manifest. We have a lot of lessons to learn from the prominent roles paid by the Wife of Noble character (Prov. 31:10-29) in her household to the extent that they were recognized in the City they lived.
A Teaching Family: That is, the family that teaches the children the way of the Lord (Deut. 4:9; 6: 4-9; Eph 6:4).
A Forgiving and Tolerant Family: No record of wrong is kept. The family should be the one that must not keep malice and react to it. (2 Corin. 13:5d; Eph. 4:32) to the extent that they are quick to forgive each other and even outsiders to the family. I agree that a member of the family’s friend can turn out to be a family friend, but never to be a family’s enemy. My antidote to that was that not all disagreements with people are made known to my wife while I was in church because I knew what I could absorb, she might not be able.
A Loving Family: Love is an action word. It must be seen and demonstrated. (Eph 5: 1-2; I Jn. 3:18, 21-24; I Cor. 13: 3-8). The result of maintaining Christ’s love in a family can be seen in I John 3:21- 22).
A Harmonious Family: A family that must be in unity (Eph 5:21; Ps. 133; Gen. 11:6; Eccl. 4: 9-12). As such, appreciable progress is evident in the family.
A Hospitable Family: The family must be hospitable, ready to accept all people (Gen. 18: 1-8; I Tim 3:2)
A Humorous and Lively Family: This is a family where there is no dull moment among themselves and with outsiders.
A Humble Family: Humility is a Christian virtue that must reflect in a family.
A Clean, Neat, and Environmental Friendly Family: The family must the one that relates with all people and not segregates people who have favorites in the church. They must be receptive to all.
A Family of Faith: (Heb. 11:6) Pastoring and all that is involved is about faith.
An Encouraging Family: A family that encourages each other in Spiritual matters, career, business, and ministry matters. Correct in love and accept correction in love even if it is harsh.
A Disciplined Family: The pastors must have spiritual, character, moral, and social discipline must reflect.
Stains Every Pastor’s Family Must Remove from Their Clothes
Keeping Malice: (I Cor. 5:8). Paul calls it the yeast of malice and wickedness. Some couples fail to communicate or discuss issues as they come up.
Excessive anger: This results in constant quarrels and fighting, sometimes in the presence of the children.
They get involved in arguments that nobody is ready to lose. Shouting or raising of voice by one of the couples during occasions that are supposed to be simple discussions.
Verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of each other sometimes leads to battery.
Sexual denial is being used as a weapon to settle scores and in occasions of challenges, excuses are given instead of discussing and finding solutions together. (I Cor. 7: 4-5)
Failure to provide for the family: The pastor must provide for his family and the wife too must cater for the children (I Tim. 5:8)
Failure or reluctance to apologize: When you are wrong, sorry should never be heavy in the mouth of a child of God. Not accepting blame for mistakes is an error (Matt. 7:3-4).
Unforgiving spirit: Some couples refer to old hurts on every occasion. It is like they keep a record of wrongs
to the extent that if you settle quarrels among them ten times, references will always be made to offenses of months and years back.
The public embarrassment of your spouse in speeches and actions
Rigidity, stubbornness, and insistence on things going your own way
Thinking of divorce or threatening your spouse with divorce and separation (I Cor. 7:10; Malachi 2: 13-16).
Wanting to take credit from only one of the spouses on care for the children, selfishness, and self- centeredness in a Pastor’s family is a stain.
Competition and Rivalry: Competition with each other in the home. A spouse’s achievement should be an advantage to the family and not be overbearing by one of the couples.
Laziness, failure to work by either of the couples, and reluctance to help in house chores and care for the children is an abnormality to work on by the Pastors family.
Stinginess, loving to receive and not willing to give; lack of confidence to release funds for the wife to
purchase, cheating on money meant for other purposes, and wasteful spending by either of the couple is an abnormality in a Christian home.
Cheating on one another sexually in a Pastor’s family is detestable.
As Christians are salt and light to the world, Pastor’s family case is like a Proverbial saying that “To whom much is given, much is expected”. Pastor’s family is like a mirror that must reflect all Christian virtues. Weare the standards through which the world gauges the ideal family life. Realizing this by a Christian couple in general and a Pastor’s family, in particular, will help us to strive to meet up with the ideal standard of family life. It is equally expected that all areas of our shortcomings in family life will be looked at and seriously worked upon. Thank you for the opportunity to share my views with you.
REV ADEBAYO ABRAHAM,
ABRAHAM’S FAITH MINISTRY,
FAMILY/MARRIAGE COUNSELOR AND RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST